How is it that A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y create such unpardonable havoc here on Appellation Mountain? Throw in an H and an N, swap out a C for a K and you have raw, unbridled baby naming madness.Yup, I’m talking about kreeatif spellings of popular names. In my not-so-humble opinion, they are among the worst mistakes that new parents make.Once upon a time, parents occasionally called their daughters Cindi or Jenni instead of Cindy or Jenny. As sins go, this was a minor transgression. The birth certificates usually read Cynthia and Jennifer. And it was their daughters who dotted their final “i”s with a heart, doubtless in an attempt to stand out from all the other Cindys and Jennys out there.

Besides, plenty of nicknames do traditionally end with “i” - think of Geri and Toni, for example, where the ending distinguishes the girls from their male counterparts Gerry and Tony.

And, of course, a handful of names do have perfectly valid alternative spellings: Katherine and Catherine, Elizabeth and Elisabeth. If you’re foreign born, you might be Aleksandra.

But most of the newer variations are just pointless, and here’s why:

1. A name is part-written, part-spoken, and especially in childhood, spoken counts more. Madisynne will still be Madisynne G. to distinguish her from Madison H. and Madasan L.

2. But about that written part? Every time Caidhen has to say his name, he has to SPELL it. No short cuts. “Is that with a C or a K?” “C,” your child replies. But then he STILL has to spell that sucker out. Every single time. And he’ll see it misspelled far more often than it will ever be correctly written.

3. Frankly, flamboyant variant spellings are a downmarket choice.  Fifteen years ago, I met an Alicyn.  She was born circa 1970.  Back then, her name was truly unusual and appealing.  Alicyn went off to the Ivy Leagues and corporate America.  Fast forward to today, and Emmuleigh, Alexus and Maicee are more likely to be found working at the Hot Dog on a Stick in the food court.  Permanently.  Sorry, but using Khloey instead of Chloe just ain’t klassy.

4.  If creative spellings result in names that are the worst of both worlds - common and confusing - applying a novel spelling to an unusual name is even worse.  Journey is an intriguing choice for your daughter.  Jurnee is a hot mess.  Choosing an underused name is smart, but monkeying with the spelling results is a mistake.

5.  Lastly, changing the spelling may suggest the name is different.  Take Kalee, for example.  Is it Kaylie or Callie?  And is Aeadenn a funky respelling of Aiden, or should I be calling him Ay-a-denn?  Even if the right pronunciation is obvious to you, tossing in a few extra vowels might confound.