The Third Sin: Stripper Names
We recently posed a question over at Yahoo!Answers’ baby naming boards: Besides personal preference, are there any rules of thumb that you think of when commenting on baby names?
The most common comment?
coolteamblt said it best: Names that are commonly seen on the marquee outside strip clubs are best avoided.
And so here it is, the third deadly sin: Giving your daughter a stripper name.
Perhaps you’re thinking to yourself, well … duh! I wouldn’t buy my precious daughter The Fisher Price My First Pole, nor would I dress her in thong diapers. I would never give her an uber-sexy name that looks like it belongs on the marquee to The Dollhouse or Tattletales! How dare you imply such a thing?
And, of course, you can call yourself plain vanilla Ann and still take it all off for a living. What we’re attacking isn’t so much the adult entertainment industry - it’s giving your daughter a name that implies low expectations.
So here are a handful of appellations that have a whiff of stripper about them:
- The Booze Babies - Brandy, Champagne, Chardonnay, Chablis. If you wouldn’t put it in her sippy cup, don’t list it on her birth certificate!
- Wild Kingdom - Bunny, Vixen, Viper, Bambi, Raven. If it slithers, flies or walks on four feet, think twice before bestowing it on your little biped.
- Toothache Names - Candy, Cherry, Sugar, Cinnamon, Caramel. Sure, your little girl will be sweet. But hopefully she’ll also be a heck of a lot smarter than these names suggest.
- Car Seat Proof - Ferrari, Porsche, Lexus. If you wouldn’t buckle your Britax Roundabout into one of these engineering marvels, why would you hang it on your kid?
- Safety Hazards - Fire, Flame. If your kid can’t play with it, she shouldn’t be named after it.
- Sew Easy - Velvet, Silk, Satin, Satine. If Hugh Hefner has a smoking jacket fashioned from the fabric, it’s not a good choice for your daughter’s name.
- Cowgirls Gone Wild - Savannah, Cheyenne. Some cowgirl names sound spunky; others are simply seedy. These two fall into the latter category.
It’s not an exhaustive list. And, yes, I’m sure that, somewhere out there, a civil rights attorney called Ferrari is doing important work while her sister Vixen travels with the Peace Corps.
But might I gently suggest that their works would be no less noble were they called Fiona and Veronica?
We’ll close on a note from another respondent. Suzzy.Q wrote:
Don’t assume your daughter is going to end up in the adult entertainment industry. Don’t name her Passion or Desire. If she does become a stripper, let her choose her own stage name.
We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
Filed under: Seven Deadlies |
Tags: Bambi, Brandy, Bunny, Candy, Chablis, Champagne, Chardonnay, Cherry, Cheyenne, Cinnamon, Ferrari, Fire, Flame, Lexus, Porsche, Raven, Satin, Satine, Savannah, Silk, Sugar, Velvet, Viper, Vixen
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